Comedians & Satirists

“It's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice.”

“Come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself.”

“We think too much and feel too little.”

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

“Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.”

“The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.”

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”

“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”

“I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right.”

“You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.”

“It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore.”

“You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.”

“Il faut cultiver notre jardin.”

“We must cultivate our garden.”